How The F*ck Is This News?!

So what are the headlines on Google News today? Let’s take a gander, shall we? Top Stories: US President Obama kicks up some sort of fuss around Burma, and Kristen pulls her 'sexy face' (sic)! An in depth piece of hard-hitting, investigative journalism on just how much Kirsten Steward enjoyed shooting her woopie scenes with Robert Pattinson for Twilight: Breaking Dawn (Lets not unpack that title just yet. Leave it for another day.)

Anne Hathaway’s Catsuit: New Pics From Dark Knight Rises Set - WTF?!

So there’s an important question that’s been circulating over the last few months, and that question is, “What the fuck is the diminutive, Burton-esque albino, quazi-royal doing playing Catwoman?!”

I’ve had at least a dozen people tell me to give her a chance, and I tried. I really did. But I just… can’t… do… it… anymore. Sure, perhaps Little Miss Prada can pull off a dispossessed princess or a conniving bride-to-be – one assumes that said roles come more naturally to her – but Catwoman? Get the fuck out.

GEEK OUT: “John Dies at the End” – First Trailer!

So any of you out there who are avid Cracked.com readers will know what I’m talking about. Their senior editor, David Wong, went and got a book published. Somewhere along the line, Paul Giamatti decided to turn it into a movie. Between the guy who spends his days trying to systematically break down every idea, system and moral structure you deem safe and stable in this world and that creepy assassin from Shoot ‘Em Up, nose-bleed levels of WTFness and hilarity are bound to ensue.

Geek Out: Mortal Kombat: Legacy – The Nineties are Cool Again

If you are any good at the Internet, and have even an ounce of culture, then you will no doubt have already seen the brilliant re-imagining of that most bone-crunchingly awesome punch-em-up of the early ninties, Mortal Kombat: Rebirth.

Created as a promotional video in order to coax Warner Bros into letting it’s creator, Kevin Tancharoen, write and direct the next installment in the MK franchise, the trailer accidentally slipped into the public domain via YouTube and immediately went viral. Needless to say, fanboys the world over simultaneously ejaculated glitter and fireballs all over their SNESes.

Said Graeme Thunderpants from his mom’s basement: “I was a high-powered executive in my early thirties with a seven figure salary and then suddenly, BAM!, I’m wearing a faded Metallica T-shirt and up to my eyeballs in acne. It’s the greatest day of my life. Way to make the nineties cool again, Kev!”

But did Warner Bro’s buy it?