So, starting yesterday and continuing on for a week or something, Facebook has begun launching a whole smack of new features in their continued effort to prove that everyone, regardless of their ethnicity, area or literacy level, is a whiney troll.
So far as I can tell, each of these features is as fundamentally useless as the other, so at least Facebook is being consistent. There’s some new ‘News Ticker’ bar that flickers epileptically like a lost Twitter feed, and a revamped Tops News section continues to harass me with baby posts and photos, all because 247 million broody women whom I vaguely associate myself with DON’T think that the recently escaped, wrinkly, pink belly-monkey looks like a bundle of pickled ginger.
Other new features to be announced ahead of their F8 conference – which, as far as our research has been able to discover, involves Mark Zuckerberg sitting on a stool on stage, laughing hysterically at twelve-thousand people for seven days – include a new profile page design and exciting new ways to ‘Like’ your friends’ statuses, an applaudable effort by Zucky to finally decipher that complex, social system of nuances and interactions more commonly known as human emotions.
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| “Feelings. Inside.” |
I feel that I can safely say that this will change absolutely nothing in the way that we use Facebook. In the last twenty-seven years since Facebook was launched, the only useful modification that has ever been made was the removal of the ‘is’ after your name on a status update.
We can be sure, however, that twenty-million people across the globe will throw up their arms in disgust at these ‘ugly’ and ‘inconvenient’ changes to the interface of the multi-million dollar social hub that they are allowed to use for free every day. Because, when you strip us of social convention and give us the opportunity to shoot our mouths of with impunity, everyone’s a five-year old toddler stomping his feet for free candy.
Read more HERE.
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