These Creases Daily’s first post! Also, Samuel L. Jackson.

Ok, so here it is; the first ‘daily’ post on These Creases Daily!

Now, what is These Creases Daily, you may ask?

Short answer: Anything it wants to be.

I love These Creases Blog like it was the gun-toting, bastard son of me and Mila Jovovich; it’s tall, looks good in a bathing suit and can’t decide which accent it wants to speak in. It’s also fucking long.

I enjoy being a bombastic, ostentatious, egregious sum’bitch, but looking up all those words in the thesaurus takes a long time and I have a whole season of Girls Gone Wild: Redneck Rampage to get through.

Up next, topless chicken wrangling!

The point is, sometimes I want to be a dick NOW, and spending three weeks procrastinating over a 1800 word article because I caught a hipster wearing a pair of Armani skinny jeans seems like a lot of work when I can just yell, “Jackass!” really loudly. It’s like studying S.A. law for seven years and then moving to Kansas because you prefer the weather compared to simply punching yourself in the balls right now.

So this is my instant gratification, where writing each post doesn’t have to feel like I’m trying to head-butt and electric fence through a barrel of thick gravy.

I’ll try and write a post each day, but I can’t promise anything, especially if I am currently working on an actual article. Think of this as my place to rub one out quick in-between glorious phases of sweaty, lexophilic lovemaking.

On that note, here’s Samuel L. Jackson narrating the world’s coolest bedtime story.