So Scream 4 went on circuit last week, and Deathly Hallows Part 2 graces our local screens this Friday. The latter is apparently very exciting.
Every fibre of my questionable being is telling me not to watch these movies. Each will be a disappointment, of that I have very little doubt. They are sequels of sequels, and any Sci-fi nerd worth his tribbles will tell you that making a copy of a copy is an awful, awful idea, virtually guaranteed to end in bloodshed. Likely they will then proceed to describe to you, in graphic detail, exactly how your character is most likely to die, before carefully explaining how their escape plan from whatever terrifying situation they have concocted is full-proof. They will tell you how they have considered every eventuality and evaluated every risk. They will probably then stab themselves in the eye with a pencil.
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| Yes, this guy will escape the slaughter… |
The first Scream was a fantastically original film, interestingly self-referential, and, for the first time, introduced us to a fallible psycho-killer. There was nothing supernatural or otherworldly about good old Ghostface. Hell, he got knocked down, bowled over, klapped, poesed and concussed more than all the other preceding loonies combined. Even taking into account the twitch-inducing stupidity of his teenage victims, it is an absolute fucking miracle that none of them managed to kill him by accident before the ninety minutes were up.
And when I was fourteen, I will freely admit, the movie was kak scary.
I hold out little hope for the fourth installment, however. Far as I can tell, it’s basically a reboot. I haven’t seen it yet, but I can honestly say that nothing will surprise me. Why? Because everything HAS to be surprising in this film. It’s the premise the franchise was built upon. And if everything is a surprise, then nothing is a surprise. Or something. Fuck it, just watch the trailer, you’ll see what I mean.
I have less to say about Potter. A lot less. I hate the movies. They are terrible. I’ll give Prisoner of Azkaban a nod, but besides that, watching the Harry Potter franchise is like climbing into a lukewarm bath and sitting there for three hours while it grows cold. Oh, then someone throws a fireball at you. Woop.
I don’t care how well it sticks to the books. I haven’t read the books. I don’t want to. I want to watch a fucking movie, and I shouldn’t have to do four thousand words worth of backstory research just so I can appreciate three kids fucking around in a tent for three hours!
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| “So you maybe wanna…? Nah, of course you don’t.” |
But do you know what? I’ve watched every single fucking one. Because they make good trailers. I will probably watch this one as well. I am a commercial whore.
1 comment:
As Pablo Francisco once famously said: "You can kill these kids with a cordless phone."
I'm not particularly fond of slasher flicks - the victims are too dumb and the killers are too gimmicky. The villain from Valentine donned a big doll's head over his own. The dude from I Fucking Know What You Did 12 Summers Ago Bitch was some sort of fisherman with a hook (??). Suffice to say I'll probably ignore Scream 4 although I'll admit that the first one was original and can be considered a seminal part of The Golden Age that is the 90s.
I know what you mean about Trailers. I remember devoting the rest of my life to watching The Matrix after seeing the trailer for the first time. I've been fooled a lot of the time as well. A movie called Jumper springs to mind and the trailer for the first Twilight movie was extremely misleading (should have read a goddamn review). I know I'm going to see Green Lantern because of the trailer - despite the fact that it was panned.
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